These are actual complaints received by Thomas Cook Travel in the UK. Just for fun, I invented some possible replies to the complaints, which are in italics below. Please note that Thomas Cook has no idea that I created some possible responses to their client complaints. Enjoy!
I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.
Well, when they do have them available, the monkeys and baboons run off with them, so that is why they were discontinued. We will definitely note that fact in our next brochure to avoid disappointment.
It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time. This should be banned!
Outrageous! I would definitely write to the guilty government officials to see if you could initiate a new referendum.
On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.
What no fish and chip shops? Unacceptable!
We booked an excursion to a water park, but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.
How silly of them to omit that crucial information! One would hope you didn’t cavort in the pools “au naturel”!
A tourist at an African game lodge spotted a visibly aroused elephant and complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel inadequate.
Oh, the bull elephants were just showing off that week. The rangers were experimenting with a new elephant Viagra medication.
The beach was too sandy.
Yes, beaches are annoying that way. We apologize sincerely that the sand may have insinuated its way into your body’s tender nooks and crannies.
We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.
I would sue them for mis-leading advertising. We would love to send you to a black sand beach, at our expense.
Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.
Couldn’t you take your top off too and join the party? We will connect you with the man who felt inadequate with the elephants…perhaps there may be something there that could mutually support your insecurities.
We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake…
Helloooo! And the price wasn’t a clue?
No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.
Haven’t they seen Finding Nemo?
It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England, but it only took the Americans three hours to get home.
That is because the American aircraft was faster!
I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.
??? Duh!
The brochure stated: No hairdressers at the accommodation! We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying there?
No sharp implements allowed for these lovelies!
There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.
Rule Britannia!
We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.
Our apologies, God must have turned it off that day.
I was bitten by a mosquito – no-one said they could bite.
They have specific orders to only bite very special people!
My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room, but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.
Was this an African tour, with some largish elephants on the loose? You should have had him keep his PJ’s on. You are obviously just irresistible!
From Hissing Kitty:
It just goes to show you that people can absolutely complain about anything, especially if they feel like they have been wronged in some way. I am still amazed that companies continue to ignore consumers complaints, even when most of them are just like this and would require a very quick simple fix